If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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