I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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