No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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