They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
