Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
