you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
