did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
