Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
