Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
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