Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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