I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
