Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
