I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
