"it" just moved
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
