Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
