I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
