My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
