okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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