grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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