think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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