i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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