then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
