we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
