if i can run in heels then i can drive
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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