Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
