Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
