Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
