what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
