Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
