a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
