I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just invented taco cereal.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
