so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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