Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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