Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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