I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
