Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
