Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
