I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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