he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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