my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
