Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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