Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
