yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
