we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
do herpes really smell.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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