how can u be prego again
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
