This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
