ya dads aren't the best wingmen
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
