Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
