His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
