Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
