singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
